This movie is… long… and hasn’t aged amazingly well. For all its faults, mostly involving Marcus, this movie did pave the way for massive epic Hollywood blockbusters and has an interesting place in cinema landscape. What really distinguishes the sword and sandal and its various waves? Is it an inherently conservative genre? Is the act of creating this movie the most Roman thing ever? What is the Roman equivalent of the Turducken? Is Nero the spiritual precursor to Emperor Kuzco? Most importantly, we all need a tiny vase to collect our tears.